Mother Knows
by Brummie-Babe
Summary: Mal's musings...second chapter added reviews and contructive flames appriciated
1. Default Chapter

Summery: The thoughts of the mother of famous Mal Reynolds  
  
Disclaimer: Don't own, they belong to Joss W and Tim M, Mutant Enemy and Fox  
  
Captain Malcolm Reynolds, of the Serenity, one of the only firefly's working fine and dandy after the war. He must have one damn fine mechanic to keep that old wreck going. Or, he's stronger than I believed, but then he's always been pretty great when coming to his family. Here's one old wreck he just couldn't handle anymore. He had to leave. Of course he blamed it on the War, said he had to do what he thought best, what he thought right but I knew I was getting too reliant on him and he didn't like it, never believed he was ever good enough for his dear ol' mother.   
  
Mal, he's known as. Mal, short for Malcolm. I started that you know! My sort of pet name for him. It was easier to call when he was running loose on the ranch an' I needed him to come in for lunch or dinner, or even breakfast. I made that name for him now every planet in the outer rim knows it.   
  
I lost the ranch, my frail bones just couldn't keep control of 100 or more cattle and I had lost all my help during the war, when Malcolm took them all to war. My 4 brothers, 3 sisters, 13 nephews, 26 cousins…I lost my entire family because of him because of his childish little dream. They believed they could win, he believed it, they trusted everything he said. They worshipped him, loved him, treasured him. He lost his whole family in that war, but he never lost me. He just thought he had, but I needed him more after, after what happened.   
  
I hate him but I love him. I can't NOT love him, he's my son!! How do people expect me to forget about him when he was growing inside of me? He lived off me for 20 years and when he left the planet on that ship, I was there, trusty mum, waving him off, white cloth dotted with darker spots from my tears. How surprised he was, they all were when I turned up on that day, the night before they had ALL heard us yell at each other. I begged him not to go, telling him there was no way that the brown coats could win, that they were failing miserably but he would hear none of it, he yelled back, louder, screaming at me that he could handle himself. I then asked him what about everyone else, he couldn't look after 46 others while saving his own ass could he? He shut up, just gave me a look that said 'they are not children anymore they can look after themselves' kissed me on my wrinkling cheek and left the room. I didn't think I was ever going to see him again that day.   
  
But now, I can see the ship's crew walking towards us, towards the town, Malcolm at the front, with Zoë next to him, or at least I suppose it was Zoë. He wrote to me about her, oh yes, he wrote. Just to let me know he was still alive and that 3 or more members of my family was dead but that was ok because he was ok…or that's, I suppose, is what he thought. He said she was a killing machine and this woman defiantly looked like a killing machine. There are 4 other men walking with him. One is big, looks tough, a small goatee hung off his chin, not bright I can tell. There's a preacher next to the big guy, he's got the disguising grey cloth they call clothing and the small white collar over the top, but there's something….different about him compared to the others…oh well, we don't get many shepherds out this way. He's got grey hair and a black cloak on.   
  
The other two men were of average height and build, one was brown haired, thin face, longish chin, nice looking, he had a silk waistcoat on and had his arm around a very frail looking girl, she was not yet 18 with long brown hair that hung loosely thin round her. The other man was blondish ginger, had a jump suit on, it was orange and tied round his waist, a huge coloured shirt was his excuse for a top. He kept talking to a brown haired woman, who's hair was bouncy and had a lot more life than the others. She was following the man's example and had a green jump suit on. She seemed bubbly, full of life, a part of her made me see Mal in her, but I do not know whether he is still like that.   
  
That made 8 but there was one more, walking, well gliding, behind the others, she was well dressed and beautiful, her hair up in an elaborate bun and her hands delicately held the shawl around her.   
  
Well, I thought as I sat back and waited for their appearance, the famous Malcolm Reynolds has finally come back home to face his demons. And maybe his old mother. 


	2. Long Lost Son

Disclaimer: Don't own, they belong to Joss W and Tim M, Mutant Enemy and Fox

Summery: Musings of a lost son on his return journey

Its been years, years and I never ever spoke to her, saw her. I thought she was dead. She seemed so old when I left. I suppose it was because I was so young.

I still remember that night before I left. I exited the room, a realisation hitting me full in the face as I crossed the threshold. I could never come back here. I knew we wouldn't all survive, I believed I wouldn't, couldn't continue to exist.

In her eyes I had betrayed everything she had lived to build up and when they all followed me away from her I knew I could do nothing to discourage them, I could never look back at her, seen the fear and hatred in those blue, usually so loving eyes. It wasn't just myself she was worried for, she knew I would bring embarrassment to the whole family. She had no reason, no want to be part of it and so obviously moved here to clear her name, change her name. Moved closer to the alliance, started following their rules.

She never replied to my letters, I wrote so carefully, planning out over word. Should I use if or when, love or enjoy, please or thank you. It took me days to plan and write up the best of the letters. It wasn't easy, I thought she knew, to write and tell her my cousin was dead and it was my fault, or so she believed. She had always loved them more than me. It was always my fault, Harry died of heart failure that no one had noticed. I didn't tell her that though, she would have blamed me just as much as she would if he had died at the end of a gun barrel held by an alliance slime ball.

I know it sounds like I have no respect for my mother but out relationship is a tricky one, we love each other, of course we do but days use to come and go where we don't see each other and we'd forget why we haven't spoken.

I don't suppose she thinks I've looked for her. I went back to the ranch but there was a young couple living there with their 6 kids and 12 dogs, I DON'T like dogs! That's when I thought she was dead, when I was young, she would have died rather than leave but times passed slowly and she's just sitting there growing old, just like me. I suppose we don't have that much difference, well, less than I thought.

I could tell as soon as I got the letter, she would be there waiting for me. I was having those dreams again, those dreams I hadn't had for years, ever since I got Serenity. Once Serenity was mine, I forgot about her, of course I did, I was free, free from her and all that death that followed me.

When we landed, I couldn't believe my eyes. It was green plants, rivers and tributes flowing all around us. Nothing like the planet I had grown up on, where sand covered our kitchen table and the grass was short and course. I tried to take no notice of it, of course she'll blame me for it! Anything that forces her to do something, its always my fault.

Just once I wish, when I knock on her door, that she'll put her arms around me, hug me and whisper in my ear that she missed me, that she was glad I survived the war and that she'll never go another 5 years without talking to me. But I didn't believe it, she's my mother, mothers never change and this one was never going to.

Everyone came with me, even the Shepard and Inara. That made me feel good. What I sight we must have been walking from the ship, safely parked near to the house. Me in front, everyone else making a wave behind me. Zoë and Wash walking together Kaylee and Simon, River and Jane. Everyone was with me, everyone I cared about, my family were all following me.


End file.
